March 24, 2013 5W4D

Not much to update but I just wanted to post my weekly bump (or lack of) pic. Of course it's storming like crazy all weekend so this week our pic got moved inside. I was kind of bummed but then my dog Bentley moseyed into the picture and it made me happy. Still no morning sickness or nausea but I'm not complaining!

March 22, 2013 5W2D

First Ultrasound Day! I couldn't sleep last night and one time when I woke up at 2 Trace asked me if I was getting in the shower because he thought it was time to get up. We ended up leaving super early and got to our appointment 45 minutes early. Well I settled in for the 45 minute wait till our appointment time and Trace went to fix himself some coffee (why do they have a Keurig in the waiting room with no decaf when they insist that you cut caffeine???). Anyways Trace is still preparing his coffee and they call us back! I was like c'mon hurry! I'm thankful we didn't have to wait because the five minutes I sat waiting on the US table I almost made myself throw up I got so nervous. The regular tech came in and the first thing she said is why'd they have you come in so early? I was like no idea, and she asked if I had spotting or cramping and I was like nope. She went who knows and told me not to expect to much because it is super early.

She didn't have the wand in there two seconds and she said there is the sac! I asked her if it was in the right place and she said its in the uterus! i asked if it was on the left and she said no its dead in center but that the twinges and cramps on the left were probably my corpus luteum. When she turned the screen towards us and started pointing out the sac and yolk I thought Trace was going to push me out of the way so he could see better. He was across that room so fast and all asking questions. It was great. She said she wanted us back in 7-10 days and the longer we could wait the more we could see when we came back. We settled for 9 days so we will be heading back April first. I can't wait!

When we left our appointment we headed to the Marietta Diner where I got the million dollar cheesecake and Trace got the chocolate suicide in celebration.

March 21, 2013 5W1D

We officially made it past our loss point today. No spotting yet and I am so thankful. I examine my tp with every wipe though! My breast are slightly tender and it takes a few attempts to get comfortable at night, but that is really it at the moment symptoms wise.

Tomorrow is our first ultrasound. This week has taken forever waiting for tomorrow's appointment to get here. I'm crazy excited, but also utterly terrified. I know it is still early, and I'm pretty sure they are doing this ultrasound so early to rule out ectopic. From all the googling I've done there isn't much to see at 5 weeks. My gut is telling me that everything is going to be ok though. I think Trace is as excited as I am, possibly more. He has been trying to come up with a way to tell our parents. He wants to wait till Mother's Day, and I don't think there's a chance in hell of us making it that long. We live in our in-laws basement at the moment so if morning sickness hits they will know about it. I'd like to reveal at Easter with an Easter basket and an Us picture in a golden egg. We will just have to see as long as tomorrow goes well.

March 18, 2013 4W5D

We had a pretty good weekend in Savannah. Trace finally came up with an idea for our weekly bump picture and I love it! We are going to try and take pictures every week outside in different beautiful or meaningful places. For our Anniversary week in August we are going to go to where he proposed. Some other places could be this gorgeous overlook in our town, at our land, and where ever else we can come up with. He doodle his first number and I think it's really cute. I may document on the next page symptoms and such.

On our drive home, about 30 minutes from home, we were crossing a bridge and a car heading in the opposite direction hit our mirror and sent it flying through Trace's window. It was so loud and we had glass everywhere! Poor Trace's face was bleeding and I had a few minor cuts. Of course the other car didn't stop. The state patrol was kind of an ass to us, but we are just both thankful we are ok. Now for all the fun insurance run around. Ugh....

March 16, 2013 4W3D

My second Beta came back at 174 and Nurse Helen called to tell me that was good and schedule me for an ultrasound. She surprised me when she wanted to do it next week. I'll be 5 weeks and 2 days and I know we wont see much. I am excited to see something though. I'm starting to get symptoms I believe, I've got slightly tender breast, the smell of dog food makes me dry heave, peeing all the time, cramps, and little to no appetite. Trace is starting to get on to me about not eating, but nothing is appealing.

We are currently in Savannah to celebrate St. Patricks day with my folks. We got up this morning and went to the parade, but only stayed for 2 hours of it. Currently Trace is taking a nap and I'm catching up on the bump and making this little entry. I told my mom I wouldn't be drinking because of the meds I'm on, but I think she is suspicious. She hasn't exactly been the greatest through our IF journey. Lots of if you'd quit worrying, stop thinking about it, and lose some weight you'll get pregnant from her. Anyways I kind of have a chip on my shoulder about that, and she's offended me so many times that Trace said she would be the last to know. I'm sure we will tell her before the world but right now I'm not sharing.

Hope everyone has a super lucky St. Patricks Day!!!

March 13, 2013 14DPIUI

Well if y'all haven't figured it out yet my husband is not your average male. When we planned our wedding he had way to many opinions. Drove my mother in law and I crazy! Yesterday on the 5 minute trip from our house to our land he was full of useless but hilarious information.

Trace's Rules for a Healthy Pregnancy:

1. No Hot Sauce. "It can't be good for the fetus"
2. I have to ride in the back seat or I have to turn the airbag off to sit in the front. He hasn't figured out how I'm going to accomplish this if I have to drive myself....

I'm sure this list is going to break 100 before we know it. Then we were talking about Nurse Helen that has drove me nutty the past few days, and Trace was trying to describe to me which nurse she was. According to him she is "the old grumpy black lady that always takes him back to rub one out". He then went on to say that it was hard to get excited when she was the last thing he saw. We decided that our clinic should hire a hot blonde in a sexy nurse uniform to take the guys back for their specimen and that she should drop the specimen cup and then bend over all super sexy to retrieve it. That clinic would make millions! I bet the success rates would soar too!

Well today I am officially late! I have my 2nd beta this afternoon and I'm hoping that 60 doubles! I'm still taking test because I'm crazy, and I'm still temping but I think I'm going to force myself to stop because my temps stress me out. Oh yeah! My Pygmy goat is pregnant too!

March 12, 2013 13DPIUI

Yesterday I called and let my fertility clinic know that I had gotten a positive even though I had tested two days early. What a disaster. I had to leave a message for the nurse, and when she finally called back I was scrubbed in a case. So I returned her message and had to leave another message. Then I missed her call again. SERIOUSLY? When I finally get in touch with her we go round and round about my labs. I wanted to just have them done at the hospital where I work and she kept thinking I wanted to just have my OB follow my pregnancy and she kept insisting that I stay with them until at least I had an ultrasound since I've already had a loss. I kept telling her that I agreed with her but I didn't want to have to miss work and drive two hours for one lab that could be drawn just as well at my hospital. She kept on that it was vital for me to come to Atlanta since I had a history of a loss and if I did it at my hospital it would have to be run STAT. I said fine when can I come in and she said how about Wednesday at 7:45.... REALLY?!? It's so vital and STAT that I can wait two days?!? I just took the appointment because I was so frustrated with her.

After discussing with my boss missing work on Wednesday I decided to call back and hope I got a different nurse. Nope. They transferred me to the same one. I couldn't handle her again so I handed the phone to my friend and she got that nurse to fax me orders so I could have it done at work. FINALLY! It was smooth sailing from there! I had my labs drawn and results in my hand in 20 minutes. My first Beta was 60 at 12dpiui and I think that is pretty good!

Every morning after I take my pregnancy test I send Trace a picture of it and i really thought it was probably getting on his nerves, but when i sent this morning his response made me cry.

March 9, 2013 10DPIUI

I was going to blog yesterday because I had finally lost all hope after all this time. Through almost 3 years of trying I had never lost hope and yesterday it finally happened. I could no longer even picture myself ever being pregnant.

I witness the most beautiful moment at work yesterday. I was sent to maternity to take an instrument count X-ray. This happens if they have to open a sterile tray urgently and not have time to count the instruments before a procedure so they can verify that nothing is left in the patient. We are so busy that I am sent by myself up there. When I get to the room there is beautiful gospel music playing and a gorgeous black woman in the bed while a nurse is washing her precious baby. Her husband just happened to be a doctor so he recognizes me and we exchange greetings and I congratulate them. It was beautiful and surreal and when I left the room I realized that I couldn't envision myself ever in her shoes. This was so sad to me because I had stayed strong through all of this, but finally I had given up.

I never in my wildest dreams thought we would go through what we've gone through. I never thought I would have to pay a doctor to help me get pregnant. I never imagined how expensive it would all be and how emotionally draining it would be. If this cycle failed, which I was pretty sure it would since we only had a motile count of 500,000, we would be moving on to IUI number 3. Possibly our last IUI before IVF. I never thought it would go this far. I never thought I would have to console Trace because he didn't feel he was holding up his end in this process and be the strong one, and then cry when he went to sleep. When I had my early loss is July it was devastating, but it also gave me hope because now I knew I could at least get pregnant. I thought I would instantly get pregnant. Next week is my due date, here we are almost 9 months later and I still was not pregnant.

This morning I woke up at 10 DPIUI and because I'm a glutton for punishment I took a FRER. What the hell.... There is a second line. I text a picture to Trace because he knew I was testing this morning and said "Do you see a second line? Mother fucker I threw away my pee so I can't take another!" He responds "Faint" a few minutes later its definitely a positive test. Then I start wondering if it is my trigger because I didn't test it out. Or an evap line or something. This has got to be a joke right? So I went about my day and did all the thing I had planned.

As I was leaving the vet there sits a hawk on the power line across the street. When I pass my grandmothers house another is sitting on her line. I went to our land and a hawk soars over me the whole time. I feel insane, but I promise you they are surrounding me and I hope it is a good sign. When I got back home I decided I had held my pee long enough, and even though I know the chances of turning a digital positive this early are low I took one of those. To my utter surprise it said "Pregnant"!!!!!

I'm ecstatic but skeptical. I charted this cycle and it isn't showing anything amazing on my chart. I will test again tomorrow and Monday and if it is still positive Monday I will head for my beta. I really really hope this is real.

February 27, 2013 CD 15

IUI number 2 is in the books. It didn't turn out as well as we had hoped. I told DH that we could take separate cars if he wanted to leave after his sample and get back to work. He said "Jessica we might make a baby and I want to be with you for all of it". It made me feel really thankful to have such an amazing husband.

Our appointment was at 8:30 and of course this is a horrible time to try to get through Atlanta so we kind of had a stressful trip down, but we made it barely on time. I was sitting in the waiting room while Trace was doing his thing and I got the text message. He was having trouble. I could just imagine how hard it would be with all the people and noise in that office. After it was all said and done we only got 500,000 motile sperm. Last cycle we had 45 million. Ideally they want one million for IUI. They decided to go through with the IUI because I still have two mature follicles ready and 500,000 is better then none! I just keep telling myself it only takes one!

We discussed our options for next cycle and we had a really amazing and positive doctor. She suggested that we bank some semen before our next IUI to relieve some pressure and Trace requested that we have the first appointment again when the office is a little quieter and we have less traffic stress. I also suggested that maybe we stay in a hotel close by and he could do the deed in the comfort and privacy of a hotel that would be closer to the office. I can already tell that Trace is not interested in the banking of semen, so hopefully all this planning won't have to be put in to effect.